Random Am I

Random is my middle name.... or at least it should be. I figured that since I have a lot of random things to say, I need a place to proclaim the randomness, and an audience to see how random the world is ... or at least should be.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING IS FOR THE BIRDS

So I'm one of those guys who hates crowds. I don't know why exactly. Sometimes I think it is because with so many people that I can't control what could happen to me if something big happened. Sometimes I think it is because I hate long lines at the restaroom and having to hear everyone else's loud cell phone conversation while I can't hear Bobbi who is walking next to me. But during Christmas time, I have another reason why I don't like crowds.

During Christmas time, all idiots from near and far decide to come out and let loose their mindless-ignorance on the public.
Example One, Black Friday. Two words that put together brings fear to mind. Without getting into detail, the one time that I woke up early to stand in line at 3:30am in front of Toys-R-Us in Memphis was something to forget. It boggles my mind how many #$#%$# people there are in the world. Bobbi and I were standing in line for 90 mins. The line was wrapped around the building. 1 minute before 5am, you see the sad pathetic side of some people. At 4:59, approx 75 people come out of their cars which are parked in front of the store's doors, start to gather to bum-rush the front door at 5am and cut soooooo many people in line. Sad enough, there was only one store guard who is worthless because he has no authority. Anyways, with seconds before the doors open, you can hear everyone in line curse out those sad people, in several different languages and voice pitches, who were wanting to cut the line. We had some tough motha's who voice their displeasure and rallied the whole group of people in line to "LOCK CARTS" and not let the other people jump the line. Yeah, it is sad that this happens. It is sad that there are so many people who "just don't care". And it is sad when you hear this year that a 34 year-old Wal-Mart employee was killed by being trampled to death as New Yorkers broke through locked doors as this employee was trying to open them.

Example Two, kids. Why do people take kids on their 18-hour Christmas shopping spree? I understand if you are a single parent or don't have money for a sitter or whatever, but good gravy, go shop over several days, deals will last a week, and if you are trying to shop during the Black Friday/Saturday time, GET A SITTER, LEAVE WITH PARENT/G-PARENT, SOMETHING. Kids have only a couple of hours before they lose focus on what's going on then they turn into public disasters. Don't get me wrong, I really have nothing wrong with kids... because they are kids.... I remember those days. I have issues with parents. I think today's parent have all inherited a mutated gene to completely tune-out their children anywhere (public or private). I can't tell you how many times during these Christmas times that kids are let loose to "entertain themselves". I sometimes wish I was living back in the 'Ol-Times' in the South where strangers were encouraged to knock sense into kids they didn't know who were acting a fool. I feel like parents today 'spare the rod and spoil the child.' Even Christians should re-read Proverbs 13:24.


Example Three, basic driving skills are put to test for many Christmas shoppers. It is funny to see 2 cars signaling for 1 parking spot that is about to open up.... unless the first car that was there way before the other car, but the other car couldn't see the first car, so he thinks he was their first and is super pissy at the car that was really there first... is ME! This is the only time of the year that ANY PARKING SPACE is worth following shoppers from the front door to their car in your own car. I dis-heart fighting for parking. Also, I am not the most patient of drivers, but seriously, I don't like going to one of those outdoor malls that has 3 million crosswalks with 40 millions people using them. I remember one year sitting at a four-way stop for like 5 minutes because of so many pedestrians and the moment you are clear to continue through the four-way stop, one of the other cars at the stop decides not to wait his turn and bolt across so he doesn't get stuck behind cross-walkers which then allows the another car at the four-way stop to turn behind the out-of-turn car, which then by the time those 2 out-of-turn cars cleared.... more pedestrians. Oh bother.

So, I count my blessings that I have a wife who loves to shop during Black Friday/Saturday and can go out and shop in the stores and let me enjoy online shopping on my couch watching football. Ah, I love her!

Lessons learned: (1) Parents, put a leash on your child, if not, you will receive 3 drop-kicks from me. (2) Online Shopping saves some people from brain aneurysms like myself. (3) Keeping the Christmas Spirit is easy when you have a great wife who doesn't mind crowds and the internet. (4) Bosco loves me (5) There are too many sad/pathetic people in the world out there who think they are above the law/ethics/common sense... who all deserve drop-kicks in the teeth from me, but I can't, because I would break my legs 20 times over from all of the foot to mouth beatings, so I shall just live with the fact that God knows those jerks and hopefully one day will change their hearts from being line-jumpers to be line-followers.

The End.

1 Random Replies:

Bobbi said...

wow babe this is funny stuff here!!!